Its Tuesday evening around 8pm in a rainy and windy spring weather… these few days have been in contemplative mood.. perhaps missing my family and loved ones.. but more perhaps is that im thinking about where my life is heading…
I meant not to be pessimistic or watever, i have sort of overcome myself when i am writing this… so i believe its great to share it with readers that might see this.. it could happen the same to you…
Ever since i came back from Milaan, i wasnt quite feeling the same.. I wasnt that enthusiastic about travelling and enjoying life in Holland… Project work hots up and looking back, I did little that contributes to our idea generation… i wasnt that effiecient as normally.. Sometimes i would become self-blaming and unhappy with myself… i suffer loss of self esteem.. when facing friends, even though they think its happy me, but its a facade thats covering my unhappiness and disappointment…
A facade covering a spiritual landslide…
I have friends angry with me.. not just one but many.. sometimes i treasure friendship so much that one change of attitude towards me could spark a catastrophe to my life… What have i done so wrong that i deserve this?
A small testimony of my life was that before I got to know Jesus, I used to be in secondary school a person that is almost dislikable.. Pretty self-centred, closed-up, stingy, quiet but competitive in school… definitely not the daniel u know right now… although i made good friends along the way… but i made enemies as well.. People that ignore me and dislike me.. but after being with God for some time.. characters do change… I become approachable, helpful, friendly.. and made so much friends…
Its because of my past that made me fear that i would make enemies…
Having not been in church for long.. i believe spiritual lethargy sets in… praying to God with the wrong attitude… the feeling that the past could come and haunt me and i could change back to my old self and… say the wrong things, do the wrong stuffs…
Shut up Daniel!
“There is therefore NOW no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus who do walk according to the flesh but according to the Spirit.”
After receiving encouragement from my girlfriend, we prayed powerfully on the phone, it seemed like something is breaking forth.. somethings just pops up… the shadiness and those damn thoughts that i have felt seemed to have dispersed.. i felt like someone pulled me out of the mud again… Thanks God, I owe u one again.. I almost lost count…
I remembered clearly what my Pastor told in his sermon about not just praying but having a praying attitude… and loving people as yourself… i believe my attitude was not right all along… thats why sometimes i pray i could not feel His presence.. and thats why sometimes i might say to wrong words.. or do things with the wrong motivations.. i need a personality check again.. then a reality check… With a right attitude i could connect to God again.. i could feel the sense of peace and joy thats so tangible man… Shiok.. Let my motivations be right once again…
Thats why im so enthusiastic about the trip to Germany soon!! God picked me up to be able to stand and enjoy again.. but this time with a right attitude and im buying another ticket for Him with me.. :) Im going to travel so that i could enjoy my time there with my friends.. and not just to satisfy my personal gain of travelling the world… For so what if i can see the most beautiful places in the world? Are not those God’s creation? Why do we like to gain the world but lose our soul?
Think about this..
What is more beautiful than walking along the Rhine Valley with this Friend, who happens to be the Architect of this valley, so powerful yet so personal, showing and taking you on a journey of a lifetime…
Salute to Him,
Dan
